So, recovery isn't linear. Recovery is never a direct line forward. I saw this image once, it was two side by side collections of photos depicting the process of making a cup of tea. In the first photo, you followed the linear progression of empty cup, then tea bag, then hot water, then the milk etc... In the second photo it was more like empty cup, tea bag, back to empty cup, then hot water and tea bag stage, then empty cup, then tea bag, milk, hot water, tea bag, you get the idea...
And thats exactly how it is with "recovery". It feels like one day you are making a step in the right direction, then the very next moment you've practically reverse sprinted in the direction of your starting point. Somedays it will feel like things are falling into place, all of the things I have begun to work on in therapy are actually making sense and are proving valuable. But then on other days its the easiest thing to return back to the ways of destruction you've found yourself so comfortable to dwell in. And when you feel yourself spiraling back, its failure. It feels like failure because we expect ourselves to constantly make progress when we commit to recovery. It becomes a disappointment that you've 'failed', and that helps only to further peddle your way backwards.
But what I'm learning is that I have to take the good with the bad. At the moment the bad outweighs the good. However with therapy, with treatment, with anti-depressants, maybe that balance will start to shift. Maybe someday it'll tip in favor of the good. I say maybe, but really I'm the one in control now. Granted I can't stop the chemical imbalances in my brain but I can at least make some attempts to put the strategies I'm learning from therapy into practice.
Its exhausting waking up and never being quite sure of how the day will turn out. Never quite sure if I'll manage to be strong enough to make it through the day positively. Never quite sure of myself. Never sure of my capability to experience happiness.
Soon perhaps things will feel more secure, I can start to trust myself and my mind. Trust that I have the capacity to feel okay. That, even though I don't believe it, I'm allowed to feel happiness and contentment.
Things are changing, things are different, yet some things are still the same. I have only just started on this chapter of my journey, it will take many more pages before I reach a checkpoint let alone a conclusion. Maybe I could set myself some goals on route to mark different stages in my recovery? Maybe that would only serve to frustrate me if I slip up or if I never managed to reach them. Who knows. I only know that right this second, I've gotten what I wanted to say out of my brain and I need to go to bed and reset my brain for another try at 'being okay' tomorrow.
With love and light,
Lily
Saturday, 24 February 2018
Wednesday, 21 February 2018
Journey to support
Diagnosis, not only is a word I find impossible to spell, its something that felt impossible to ever receive... This post explores my experience of seeking professional mental health support, the struggles along the way and how I've felt about a recent diagnosis.
In the past, I've had connections to support and therapy through NHS mental health services such as CAMHS where I lived at home in Hampshire and Surrey. From around the age of 13 or so I became known to MH services and received various treatments and tried various therapies to cope with my anxiety and depression. I think at the time, I didn't quite realise how lucky I was to be receiving regular treatment. In my angsty teen state I often disregarded the services and pushed against something that actually kept me alive and functioning all of those years. It is with hindsight I can see their benefit, and I wish I'd known just how difficult it has been to access support on the other side of adolescence.
I've found that compared to children's services, adult MH health services are extremely difficult to find a way into. Due to the extreme pressure on services, a lack of resources and funding, the NHS is under strain and mental health services are not exempt. For me its also been challenging having moved away to study at Uni, having to register with a new GP to then get any referrals to the local services here in West Sussex. During my first semester of uni I struggled and even after a crisis I received one assessment and was then discharged from the MH service here in Chichester. Which, now, I wish I'd challenged; maybe I wouldn't be in the same position now if I'd only fought for more support? Who can say really.
Since then, over the past year my mental health has (once again) steadily declined in conjunction with the development of extremely disordered eating. I struggled along at the surface with only my own pathetic arm bands to keep me afloat. It took me a long while to acknowledge that I needed serious help but when I was finally ready to reach out, I found that it took a long time for anyone to start to listen. Of course I had the support of family but I couldn't expect them to fulfil the roles of medical professionals, I'd never want to place that expectation upon them. So, how does one go about receiving advice and support and getting referred to the appropriate services?
The first step I took, from persistence of my parents, was to visit my GP. We (my parents and I) very naively believed they'd be able to point me in the direction - is this an unrealistic expectation? What I did receive was a patronising consultation with a doctor who knew very little about eating disorders, who gave me a prescription for anti-depressants and the advice that 'If you eat more, you'll soon feel better'... Gee wow, is that how easy it could be??!? Yes, telling someone struggling with an eating disorder that the simplest solution is just to eat more is such a brilliant idea! Its safe to say that after that I felt extremely disheartened and reluctant to try again, my mum was absolutely furious but I shouted down her desires to send the GP a 'strongly worded letter' because I didn't want to cause a fuss. I can't blame the GP, but should she have perhaps picked up on my mental state more closely, it might not have led to a hospitalisation. It shouldn't have reached a crisis point for me to get referred once more to the mental health services. But I guess that speaks to the state of these services and their priorities with such limited resources.
So, from that crisis I was referred to the local MH service, I had to wait another month for an assessment and then it took a couple of months and insistent phone calls from me before I heard anything back from the initial assessment. The timing was not ideal, the assessment was just before the Christmas period when the service winds down and closes. So, my case got bogged down and seemingly placed at the bottom of the pile. After a while, I took to phoning the MH service and my GP to see if there was any news, nothing came of it each week. I felt like I was just being strung along and lost any hope in the fact I might eventually receive help. I'd been pinning my hopes on these services and their potential ability to pull me out of the dire state I'd found myself in.
Eventually, upon phoning them again, I finally got to speak to someone who was dealing with my referral and they offered me an appointment. From there, I've been referred to specialist ED services and things finally started to get into place.
Fast forward to now and I have contact with over four mental health professionals on a regular basis. But what a journey it seems to have been.
I feel I may have got off topic a little, but I wanted to rant a bit about the process I've been through and how I wish I could have got help sooner, but, here we are and I can only think to the future.
So, I wanted to talk a little about diagnosis' because having recently been diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa alongside my usual anxiety and depression, its made me consider how I view myself and the person I seem to be at the moment. In all honesty its had quite an impact on how I think about my current mental state and its changed how I consider my mental health.
- Naming the beast; finally being able to put a name to something, to make it tangible and real. Its comforting, its scary, its helpful, its all of those things and more. Once you have a name for something, it moves from this big ambiguous abstract concept to a more concrete, substantial thing. Its also easier to communicate or make people aware of my current state, if I can say I have this disorder and this condition, its so much easier than having to give vague descriptions and details of my symptoms which just makes me uncomfortable and vulnerable.
- Validation; there is something validating about having a professional actually confirm a proper diagnosis. About having someone confirm that yes, there is actually something wrong and no its not just all going on in my head. That I'm not exaggerating, that I am actually unwell. Having my everything be validated has given me the ability to admit that I have a valid reason for how I feel.
- I've had to try distance myself from the diagnosis, it feels as if I have become so defined by this illness. I don't want to be determined by a disorder. I'm so much more than it. I need to do a lot of work on realising that although my life feels like its been dominated by this illness for so long, there is more to me than anorexia. SO much more. I just need to find it again and realise that slowly I can take back control.
I don't know the extent of how it's changed me just yet, but I know I think differently about my mental health now. I think a little more rationally, having a concrete definition but do I feel myself slowly being defined and confined by this disorder?
It is all very overwhelming right now. There was a week recently where I had three separate meetings with MH services and yet I found myself receiving no actual emotional support, for a while it was just assessments and the rigmarole of getting settled into a new service. Yet, slowly slowly, as things progress and I work more closely with people and my care plans are carried out, I will start feeling like I'm actually receiving support and not just explaining my situation over and over and over.
For now, I'd just like to say to anyone out there wondering if they should get help - make that difficult step and reach out, I urge you to. It'll be a tough time and you'll potentially be waiting a long while. But if you can, persevere. I'm extremely lucky to have the support of my family, friends and university, whom without their help and guidance I don't know if I would've held out for as long as I have had to. Help is out there, its not easy to get it, you might have to wait, and having patience is easier said than done, but be strong. Hang in there.
This has been quite a post, probably full of rambling and self-pity but I wanted to share my journey, it helps to reflect on how things have been, it makes me realise that things have moved forward and for that, I am grateful,
Love and light,
Lily
In the past, I've had connections to support and therapy through NHS mental health services such as CAMHS where I lived at home in Hampshire and Surrey. From around the age of 13 or so I became known to MH services and received various treatments and tried various therapies to cope with my anxiety and depression. I think at the time, I didn't quite realise how lucky I was to be receiving regular treatment. In my angsty teen state I often disregarded the services and pushed against something that actually kept me alive and functioning all of those years. It is with hindsight I can see their benefit, and I wish I'd known just how difficult it has been to access support on the other side of adolescence.
I've found that compared to children's services, adult MH health services are extremely difficult to find a way into. Due to the extreme pressure on services, a lack of resources and funding, the NHS is under strain and mental health services are not exempt. For me its also been challenging having moved away to study at Uni, having to register with a new GP to then get any referrals to the local services here in West Sussex. During my first semester of uni I struggled and even after a crisis I received one assessment and was then discharged from the MH service here in Chichester. Which, now, I wish I'd challenged; maybe I wouldn't be in the same position now if I'd only fought for more support? Who can say really.
Since then, over the past year my mental health has (once again) steadily declined in conjunction with the development of extremely disordered eating. I struggled along at the surface with only my own pathetic arm bands to keep me afloat. It took me a long while to acknowledge that I needed serious help but when I was finally ready to reach out, I found that it took a long time for anyone to start to listen. Of course I had the support of family but I couldn't expect them to fulfil the roles of medical professionals, I'd never want to place that expectation upon them. So, how does one go about receiving advice and support and getting referred to the appropriate services?
The first step I took, from persistence of my parents, was to visit my GP. We (my parents and I) very naively believed they'd be able to point me in the direction - is this an unrealistic expectation? What I did receive was a patronising consultation with a doctor who knew very little about eating disorders, who gave me a prescription for anti-depressants and the advice that 'If you eat more, you'll soon feel better'... Gee wow, is that how easy it could be??!? Yes, telling someone struggling with an eating disorder that the simplest solution is just to eat more is such a brilliant idea! Its safe to say that after that I felt extremely disheartened and reluctant to try again, my mum was absolutely furious but I shouted down her desires to send the GP a 'strongly worded letter' because I didn't want to cause a fuss. I can't blame the GP, but should she have perhaps picked up on my mental state more closely, it might not have led to a hospitalisation. It shouldn't have reached a crisis point for me to get referred once more to the mental health services. But I guess that speaks to the state of these services and their priorities with such limited resources.
So, from that crisis I was referred to the local MH service, I had to wait another month for an assessment and then it took a couple of months and insistent phone calls from me before I heard anything back from the initial assessment. The timing was not ideal, the assessment was just before the Christmas period when the service winds down and closes. So, my case got bogged down and seemingly placed at the bottom of the pile. After a while, I took to phoning the MH service and my GP to see if there was any news, nothing came of it each week. I felt like I was just being strung along and lost any hope in the fact I might eventually receive help. I'd been pinning my hopes on these services and their potential ability to pull me out of the dire state I'd found myself in.
Eventually, upon phoning them again, I finally got to speak to someone who was dealing with my referral and they offered me an appointment. From there, I've been referred to specialist ED services and things finally started to get into place.
Fast forward to now and I have contact with over four mental health professionals on a regular basis. But what a journey it seems to have been.
I feel I may have got off topic a little, but I wanted to rant a bit about the process I've been through and how I wish I could have got help sooner, but, here we are and I can only think to the future.
So, I wanted to talk a little about diagnosis' because having recently been diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa alongside my usual anxiety and depression, its made me consider how I view myself and the person I seem to be at the moment. In all honesty its had quite an impact on how I think about my current mental state and its changed how I consider my mental health.
- Naming the beast; finally being able to put a name to something, to make it tangible and real. Its comforting, its scary, its helpful, its all of those things and more. Once you have a name for something, it moves from this big ambiguous abstract concept to a more concrete, substantial thing. Its also easier to communicate or make people aware of my current state, if I can say I have this disorder and this condition, its so much easier than having to give vague descriptions and details of my symptoms which just makes me uncomfortable and vulnerable.
- Validation; there is something validating about having a professional actually confirm a proper diagnosis. About having someone confirm that yes, there is actually something wrong and no its not just all going on in my head. That I'm not exaggerating, that I am actually unwell. Having my everything be validated has given me the ability to admit that I have a valid reason for how I feel.
- I've had to try distance myself from the diagnosis, it feels as if I have become so defined by this illness. I don't want to be determined by a disorder. I'm so much more than it. I need to do a lot of work on realising that although my life feels like its been dominated by this illness for so long, there is more to me than anorexia. SO much more. I just need to find it again and realise that slowly I can take back control.
I don't know the extent of how it's changed me just yet, but I know I think differently about my mental health now. I think a little more rationally, having a concrete definition but do I feel myself slowly being defined and confined by this disorder?
It is all very overwhelming right now. There was a week recently where I had three separate meetings with MH services and yet I found myself receiving no actual emotional support, for a while it was just assessments and the rigmarole of getting settled into a new service. Yet, slowly slowly, as things progress and I work more closely with people and my care plans are carried out, I will start feeling like I'm actually receiving support and not just explaining my situation over and over and over.
For now, I'd just like to say to anyone out there wondering if they should get help - make that difficult step and reach out, I urge you to. It'll be a tough time and you'll potentially be waiting a long while. But if you can, persevere. I'm extremely lucky to have the support of my family, friends and university, whom without their help and guidance I don't know if I would've held out for as long as I have had to. Help is out there, its not easy to get it, you might have to wait, and having patience is easier said than done, but be strong. Hang in there.
This has been quite a post, probably full of rambling and self-pity but I wanted to share my journey, it helps to reflect on how things have been, it makes me realise that things have moved forward and for that, I am grateful,
Love and light,
Lily
Saturday, 17 February 2018
Catch up
So, its currently reading week! I'm back at home, sat in my room with
the sun coming in through the windows and bathing my sleeping beauty
Biscuit (my cat) in a lovely warm glow. I can't quite believe how
quickly time seems to be flying. Not that I'm complaining about the time
off but it feels like we've only been back at uni a brief while and we're on a break already!
My reading week has been spent with my family and by introducing a friend to the delights Chichester has to offer. The time with my family has been reassuring but also I can't shake the slight constricting feeling that I'm once again a child under my parents roof. I enjoyed a trip to Wisley Gardens with my aunties though - there was a spectacular butterfly exhibit in which I would like to have remained for the foreseeable future surrounded by plants and fluttering beauties if only it weren't rammed full of children and the elderly, and it wasn't in a 1000 degree glasshouse! And having a friend to stay was a new experience; having not spent longer than a few hours with someone else in a long long while. But I tried my best to entertain them and enjoy myself despite constantly fretting over their levels of contentment, hunger and boredom!
Having this week off, I've had a little time to reflect on the first month of this semester; I'd like to say its been positive but the reality of that is sadly just not true. I'm still struggling with things but the main difference in comparison to last year is that I've got support and I have the faintest echo of hope that maybe I'm making progress - even if its just tiny baby steps.
Here's a round up of all of the recent developments in the world of Lily...
This semester has been going relatively smoothly, there have been a few bumps in the road but I'm glad to return to the structure and routine. It saves me from my mind a lot of the time, being occupied by lessons and by studying. I'm enjoying my learning, all of the new modules I've started are pretty good so far (will I be saying this when it comes to deadlines...) It feels like we're proper second years now, the hesitancy of the first semester has been replaced with a calmer, more confident energy and we seem to have adapted to the expectations placed upon us. I'm trying my best with my technique classes, I think I've only cried once! Which is promising...I've got a long way to go to gain back some of my lost strength but I should focus on the things I still have and can still do well. Also, this semester because I'm actually a gigantic nerd and sadistically enjoy giving myself more than I necessarily need to do - I'm sitting in on the dance journalism module! Its been great to actually consider my writing and start to learn ways of improving it! I just love absorbing all of the knowledge from our lecturer Ann, who is a fountain of literary passion and knowledge. Its so rewarding being surrounded people who enjoy words and writing as much as I do (well, potentially almost as much as me...!).
I feel like I'm a little more settled in terms of dealing with my mental health whilst studying, it is a little more stable due to me having a better understanding of what I struggle with and by recognising these things I can start to put strategies in place that I am working on in my therapy sessions.
Talking of therapy, I'm now receiving weekly treatment and though there haven't been any massive breakthroughs (I'm not expecting this at all anytime soon) but I've had a few moments of mini-revelation. Clarity is starting to emerge, not in terms of the solutions to my issues, but my understanding of the issues themselves. I'm beginning to recognise my illness and the behaviours and some of the thought patterns and emotions surrounding it all. Its useful to have someone to help me sort out what is going on and start to get to the bottom of why its happening and how we can start to change things to make them better. Its scary and tough, each session leaves me red-eyed and drained but I've waited so long to get to this point, I need to persevere and keep working on myself.
Taking a stand: I've been faced with some tough situations this semester. In terms of the university wanting to monitor and support me they've had to oversee my workload, which led to them questioning whether I'd be capable of participating in certain things. The biggest thing has been choreography. I really love dancing in other peoples work, but this involves extra rehearsals; something that the uni support team consider a potential risk to my wellbeing if I'm over-exerting myself. However, did I submit to their wishes? No I did not... It might be my extreme stubbornness but I could not reiterate to them enough how much I wanted to still be taking part in these choreographies. Even to the point of getting up and walking (I say walking, I was so upset I tripped and crashed my way out the meeting...) out of a discussion about limiting my workload. But I knew that these choreographies are good for me- they keep me active, they help me socialise, they help stimulate my brain and my creativity, and I genuinely enjoy working for others and helping them out! I feel a duty to do it and I don't want to let people down that I've already committed to. So, I wrote a few sternly worded emails, I kept up my side of the argument and thankfully have been permitted to do them! I'm quite proud of myself for sticking up for what I felt was right. I didn't want to miss out on this opportunity just because I'm struggling; It felt almost as if I was giving in to my mental health. I completely appreciate the concern of the University, they want to make sure I'm fit to study and all of that jazz - but I felt a little undermined and sort of underestimated. As much as I am struggling, I hate when things are taken out of my control and I feel like my autonomy is challenged. So, that's a little win from me! (also was just getting v. annoyed with my tutor who I felt didn't listen to my own feelings and still spells my name wrong in emails....)
That's a brief kind of overview of some bits and pieces going on - I could bore you all with a full review so far, but I'll save that for the end of the semester perhaps?
Looking to the future...
I want to start challenging myself a little more. I'm gradually understanding where my current limits are with things and by establishing these I can maybe set some targets and goals for myself to work towards. For example, spending time with my friend taught me a lot about my mentality. I thought I'd manage to cope with everything but I think it was just too big a task for me to have someone stay over right now. However, I can now know for next time that maybe a day trip would be more suitable? Or I can maybe try again and hopefully with this experience I can feel a little more prepared? But anyhow, I'm going to try work hard at uni, push myself in all my classes and try not to fall into the pattern of shying away from opportunities like I tended to last semester.
I want to try bring back some of the things that bring me joy and make me 'me' again. I've not done a lot of art recently and thats something I want to rectify. I like to work on little things to give to other people which often motivates me more, however I think I could work on my personal art and do things just for me, just for fun! My MH coordinator encourages me to try find things that I enjoy doing, these are the things that help make me feel a bit more like a human and less like a set of symptoms and disorders.
Something I am quite pleased with is how much more I'm reading and its giving me great joy to immerse myself in fictional worlds and it helps expand my vocabulary and my writing skills immensely! So, I'll be keeping that up, my Goodreads app helps with tracking my reading too. I'm steaming my way through my reading challenge of 25 books in a year, I think I could maybe make it double but we'll see!
Thank you for reading, with love and light,
Lily
My reading week has been spent with my family and by introducing a friend to the delights Chichester has to offer. The time with my family has been reassuring but also I can't shake the slight constricting feeling that I'm once again a child under my parents roof. I enjoyed a trip to Wisley Gardens with my aunties though - there was a spectacular butterfly exhibit in which I would like to have remained for the foreseeable future surrounded by plants and fluttering beauties if only it weren't rammed full of children and the elderly, and it wasn't in a 1000 degree glasshouse! And having a friend to stay was a new experience; having not spent longer than a few hours with someone else in a long long while. But I tried my best to entertain them and enjoy myself despite constantly fretting over their levels of contentment, hunger and boredom!
Having this week off, I've had a little time to reflect on the first month of this semester; I'd like to say its been positive but the reality of that is sadly just not true. I'm still struggling with things but the main difference in comparison to last year is that I've got support and I have the faintest echo of hope that maybe I'm making progress - even if its just tiny baby steps.
Here's a round up of all of the recent developments in the world of Lily...
This semester has been going relatively smoothly, there have been a few bumps in the road but I'm glad to return to the structure and routine. It saves me from my mind a lot of the time, being occupied by lessons and by studying. I'm enjoying my learning, all of the new modules I've started are pretty good so far (will I be saying this when it comes to deadlines...) It feels like we're proper second years now, the hesitancy of the first semester has been replaced with a calmer, more confident energy and we seem to have adapted to the expectations placed upon us. I'm trying my best with my technique classes, I think I've only cried once! Which is promising...I've got a long way to go to gain back some of my lost strength but I should focus on the things I still have and can still do well. Also, this semester because I'm actually a gigantic nerd and sadistically enjoy giving myself more than I necessarily need to do - I'm sitting in on the dance journalism module! Its been great to actually consider my writing and start to learn ways of improving it! I just love absorbing all of the knowledge from our lecturer Ann, who is a fountain of literary passion and knowledge. Its so rewarding being surrounded people who enjoy words and writing as much as I do (well, potentially almost as much as me...!).
I feel like I'm a little more settled in terms of dealing with my mental health whilst studying, it is a little more stable due to me having a better understanding of what I struggle with and by recognising these things I can start to put strategies in place that I am working on in my therapy sessions.
Talking of therapy, I'm now receiving weekly treatment and though there haven't been any massive breakthroughs (I'm not expecting this at all anytime soon) but I've had a few moments of mini-revelation. Clarity is starting to emerge, not in terms of the solutions to my issues, but my understanding of the issues themselves. I'm beginning to recognise my illness and the behaviours and some of the thought patterns and emotions surrounding it all. Its useful to have someone to help me sort out what is going on and start to get to the bottom of why its happening and how we can start to change things to make them better. Its scary and tough, each session leaves me red-eyed and drained but I've waited so long to get to this point, I need to persevere and keep working on myself.
Taking a stand: I've been faced with some tough situations this semester. In terms of the university wanting to monitor and support me they've had to oversee my workload, which led to them questioning whether I'd be capable of participating in certain things. The biggest thing has been choreography. I really love dancing in other peoples work, but this involves extra rehearsals; something that the uni support team consider a potential risk to my wellbeing if I'm over-exerting myself. However, did I submit to their wishes? No I did not... It might be my extreme stubbornness but I could not reiterate to them enough how much I wanted to still be taking part in these choreographies. Even to the point of getting up and walking (I say walking, I was so upset I tripped and crashed my way out the meeting...) out of a discussion about limiting my workload. But I knew that these choreographies are good for me- they keep me active, they help me socialise, they help stimulate my brain and my creativity, and I genuinely enjoy working for others and helping them out! I feel a duty to do it and I don't want to let people down that I've already committed to. So, I wrote a few sternly worded emails, I kept up my side of the argument and thankfully have been permitted to do them! I'm quite proud of myself for sticking up for what I felt was right. I didn't want to miss out on this opportunity just because I'm struggling; It felt almost as if I was giving in to my mental health. I completely appreciate the concern of the University, they want to make sure I'm fit to study and all of that jazz - but I felt a little undermined and sort of underestimated. As much as I am struggling, I hate when things are taken out of my control and I feel like my autonomy is challenged. So, that's a little win from me! (also was just getting v. annoyed with my tutor who I felt didn't listen to my own feelings and still spells my name wrong in emails....)
That's a brief kind of overview of some bits and pieces going on - I could bore you all with a full review so far, but I'll save that for the end of the semester perhaps?
Looking to the future...
I want to start challenging myself a little more. I'm gradually understanding where my current limits are with things and by establishing these I can maybe set some targets and goals for myself to work towards. For example, spending time with my friend taught me a lot about my mentality. I thought I'd manage to cope with everything but I think it was just too big a task for me to have someone stay over right now. However, I can now know for next time that maybe a day trip would be more suitable? Or I can maybe try again and hopefully with this experience I can feel a little more prepared? But anyhow, I'm going to try work hard at uni, push myself in all my classes and try not to fall into the pattern of shying away from opportunities like I tended to last semester.
I want to try bring back some of the things that bring me joy and make me 'me' again. I've not done a lot of art recently and thats something I want to rectify. I like to work on little things to give to other people which often motivates me more, however I think I could work on my personal art and do things just for me, just for fun! My MH coordinator encourages me to try find things that I enjoy doing, these are the things that help make me feel a bit more like a human and less like a set of symptoms and disorders.
Something I am quite pleased with is how much more I'm reading and its giving me great joy to immerse myself in fictional worlds and it helps expand my vocabulary and my writing skills immensely! So, I'll be keeping that up, my Goodreads app helps with tracking my reading too. I'm steaming my way through my reading challenge of 25 books in a year, I think I could maybe make it double but we'll see!
Thank you for reading, with love and light,
Lily
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