I've already done a little New Years post, it was more of an overview as to 2017 and what it offered me. But I've just spent about fifteen minutes looking through my Google photos from the past year, and handily its acted as documentation for an entire years worth of my life and looking back through them all has made me feel a whole lot of things. I often forget a lot of things that have happened throughout the year and these photos act as reminders of whereabouts I have been, both physically, personally and mentally. So, to kind of process these memories I thought I'd write about a few of them, giving you (and me) an insight into the year and maybe a little entertainment, who knows!?
Sunday 8th January
These are my aunties and I think its a photo I took on a trip to Bognor Regis, or some other seaside local to me in Chichester. This year I've definitely treasured how much support and love these two wonderful ladies have given me. It's been a year where I have come to realise the importance of maintaining contact and communication with family, and that though often I can forget, they will always be there. Plus, these two never fail to make me laugh due to them always being an impeccable comedic duo! Also, I've re-discovered my love for tacky seaside resort towns, pier arcades and 2p machines.
Thursday 21st February - A new haircut
A rather solemn selfie, but I really liked this haircut! I think haircuts can be pretty powerful and have a certain effect on your overall perception of your appearance. I found getting my hair cut short was liberating and it marked the start of a few changes in my life. Which reminds me I need my hair cut soon (feeling like going even shorter!).
Wednesday 12th April - Friends
I love this photo of my friend Louise (nickname = Sneeze) and the Stick Man, which was taken at Alice Holt forest after we'd been for an extremely cute picnic. It was a lovely day of catching up and being surrounded by nature.
In terms of friends, this year I feel like I've isolated myself quite a bit and maybe have lost touch with a few people (sadly due to my mental health; not an excuse but it's certainly contributed to the isolation). But I've come to realise we're all leading such busy lives at Uni that it'd be impossible to constantly keep up with one another so its moments like these, little catch-up chats and occasional letters that are made all the more special. And I need to remember that friendships work both ways, so I can't let my side of it down even if I'm struggling, even little things like an occasional facebook message are okay. And I'll always have these sunny snippets of memory to keep me going!
Tuesday 23rd May - Solo adventures
After finishing the second semester of First year I spent a few weeks exploring Chichester and the surrounding area before I moved back home. I visited a lot of places - mostly beaches and nature reserves and spent a lot of time exploring on my own. I've challenged my anxieties about travelling alone, developing my independence and I've found an enjoyment in exploring new places by myself. I have my bus pass and bicycle to thank for allowing these adventures, and my camera and sketchbook for being able to record them.
I think this was from a trip to the nature reserve at East Head, which has some wonderful natural sand dunes and lots of nature (aka butterflies, insects and the occasional cool bird!).
Saturday 3rd June - Moving on from Mainline and Cat love
This was the day I moved out from my student halls, with two car-loads of stuff!! It was a long old day but I was glad to be home-home for summer and cuddling this big ginger fluffball. I promise Biscuit was enjoying the hug, as much as her eyes say 'help me'!
Sunday 11th June - Papa Smurf
This is me and my daddio at a dance event in Farnham that we were volunteering for my mum at. I missed my dad (and my mum too) a lot over the next semester of uni so it makes photos like these very special and sometimes sad to look at - happy sad though! I've kept up a lot more contact with my family whilst at uni in second year which has been lovely. And this photo reminds me of warmer, sunnier times which is wonderful when it's a grim, wet, wintery January day.
Thursday 27th July - Stopgap
Over the summer, I worked for Stopgap Dance Company again. It feels like a whole other separate life to university but I'm glad my summer was productive and full of interesting challenges and engaging work. This is a photo from a rehearsal I was observing, I love sketching the company and trying to capture these brilliant dance artists. I'm quite pleased with some of the projects I worked on, one included creating a reflective journal for a the production process of a project called The Seafarers - for which I taught myself to use photoshop and InDesign (still not great at them but I managed!). I'm extremely grateful to Stopgap for continuing to have me back to work for them, it is a joy to work for such an amazing company!
Tuesday 29th August - Birthdays and record players
I turned 20 this year - I had a lovely birthday and it was a good end to the summer before the return to uni. I treated myself to a record player, something I'd been thinking about getting for a while and oh how glad I am I got one! It was spectacular setting it up and the first record I listened to was Radiohead's The Bends - and it sounded incredible. I've got a post lined up talking all about my love for vinyl so look out for that!
Monday 25th September & Sunday 15th October - Family visits
The first photo is of a family trip to Littlehampton beach, me, mum and dad went on a lovely breezy walk. Then the second photo is from a trip to the ancient Yew trees at Kingley Vale. It always makes me feel better seeing my parents when I get extremely homesick at uni. The second trip to Kingley Vale has a lot of special memories, I think its when I finally let my parents know that I was really struggling with my mental health, I cried and I felt awful but I talked; we talked, and it was the start of us realising I needed to get help and my parents were extremely supportive. I've always been scared of letting my parents know I'm struggling because I don't want them to worry about me, but I guess that is partially their job!
I love you mum and dad, I don't say it enough but I'm so thankful for all you do for me.
When I compare photos of my face from the start of the year to the end, I can see a change. I don't know other people do, I don't know if its a good change or a bad change. I sometimes think 'Oh, I like this face better now' but then I wonder if it's a happy face. I get a bit scatty when I think too much about how I look and the changes to how I look - mostly because I still feel deeply unhappy about my appearance (but we're going to work on that eventually!).
But anyway - I like the winter and crisp sunny mornings, but I am looking forward to not having to bundle up in a million layers of jumpers and coats each day! What is sunshine and warmth?!?
Wednesday 16th December - Fruits of labour
This is a photo of me and Tyler and our dancers just before they absolutely smashed performing our choreography that we created this semester. We worked for so long on the piece and in about five minutes it was all over and done with! But I'm grateful for these beautiful humans and all of the hard work they put in. It is quite special seeing work that you devote so much time to creating finally being performed in front of an audience, as nerve wracking as it can be to receive feedback, it really becomes a proper piece of art when other people see it!
Monday 25th December - Family and festivity
You can't beat a family Christmas photo (clearly dad didn't get the burgundy and red memo!). This year, Christmas and New Year were particularly difficult for me, things felt weird and different, I struggled to feel normal and join in with all the usual festivities that I used to enjoy. I feel like I've been an absolute nightmare for my family to deal with, I guess they too are dealing with my mental illness and its manifestations in my behaviour, compulsions and living habits. It doesn't mean I've not enjoyed spending time at home, I'm extremely glad for the free time and the chance to do very little without feeling too much guilt!
So, that was a brief visual insight into my year! It was nice being reminded of happier (and often sunnier) times, I hope come this time next year I'll have a whole new bunch of pictures to look back on and be reminded that not everything has been doom and gloom.The overall takeaway from this has been that there was a lot of change in 2017, some good, some bad, but I'm still here, drifting along!
Thank you for reading and I hope it hasn't been too boring/weird/uninteresting, my next post is probably going to be a round up of the books I enjoyed in the past year!
With love and light,
Lily
No comments:
Post a Comment