First week back

So, it's a Saturday and I've survived my first week back at Uni and I'm pretty exhausted! As tired as my body and brain are, it has been great to get back to learning and moving everyday. As much as holidays are sometimes needed, they seem to drag by the end and I always prefer being active and productive at uni.

I thought I'd share a little about how my week has gone and what I've been up to; I thought it'd be a bit more interesting to do a day-by-day recap - kind of like a diary of my week!


MONDAY

- I woke up ready to start the day and was then hit with a gigantic wave of anxiety and immediately thought ABORT MISSION - CAN'T DO IT. So before I completely abandoned the day, I did what I usually do when I can't function and I phoned my mum. But, after a good old mum pep talk, I pulled myself together, threw on my leotard and made my way to uni!
- Had my first ballet class back - hello leg muscles? Where have you been slumbering? It felt good to get back in the studio, if not a little daunting.
- It wouldn't be a first day back without a visit to my favourite building on campus - the library. If I have a free period its where you'll most likely find me! I love surrounding myself with books and doing things like writing and research (even when we have no assignments set yet...)
- I realised how much I'd missed human contact and felt myself enjoy the social aspect of Uni - particularly in our contemporary class in the afternoon.  Being surrounded by other sweaty, moving bodies, I managed to forget for a while about other less fun things and just remember how much I enjoy the feeling of moving and the freedom of dancing.

Today's wisdom - Even though the day got off to a terrible start, I kept going and finished the day glad to be dancing again and being active. So I need to remember to push through and things will always be better in the end.

TUESDAY 

-  A better morning! The sun was out and the sky was a lovely, clear bright blue on my walk in.
- I had a really good ballet lesson with a teacher I've not had for a while. I worked up a sweat and it felt refreshing to actually finish a ballet class and have enjoyed it. For a long while I've lost my interest in ballet, but the teacher and this class gave me a bit of hope again!
- Once more I visited the library and remember how irritated I can get by people in the silent area... Why is it that despite the gigantic sign saying 'Please be quiet in this area', people still feel the need to have conversations at the top of their voice?!? I guess as good as social interaction and human contact is, there is also the downsides to being around humans too!
- Then the afternoon was filled with a lecture as part of our research methodologies module. It sounds fancy but it's essentially about getting us prepared to start on our dissertations by learning how to research things properly and in-depth. I actually really enjoy theory lessons so it was good to get my brain going by discussing all things dance and research!

Today's wisdom - Widening your field of learning. I got quite excited thinking about dissertations and being able to write and research about something I had a real genuine invested interest in. So this semester I'm going to aim to really get stuck in with my theoretical studies and be open to learning as much as I can!

WEDNESDAY 

 - Ouchie ouchie, feeling the pain this morning! I think it's always the third day after that I start to feel the ache from being back dancing and I could certainly feel it in our contemporary class this morning. I'd forgotten how it feels to be covered in bruises!
-In the afternoon I has a pretty difficult time: I'm just starting to get into the mental health services here in Chichester so things are all a bit up in the air and very overwhelming but I've started meeting with a psychiatric nurse (sounds scary - but she's okay). And I think I've been expecting things to just be really great with starting to get support but in truth I'm finding it extremely painful and difficult to open up and start talking so I just end up a frustrated, sobbing mess and leave often feeling worse than I did when I entered.
- When I calmed down in the evening I started doing some research for choreography. I always find this stage of the process to be the fun part! You can just read and watch loads and not have to make or write anything yet!

 Today's wisdom - Things are going to be difficult and not change immediately. It will take time for me to get better and I need to get used to that, but as long as I try remain positive things will slowly start to shift.


THURSDAY 

- Somehow my leg muscles are even more sore this morning and I definitely felt the return to dancing everyday on my walk to uni.  As I was walking along, it was so exciting to notice that through the dull muddy patches of grass and soil, the fresh green shoots of crocuses and daffodils were emerging. I always find these signs of Spring spur on a sense of positivity and serve as a reminder of warmer times to come.
- Had my first choreography lesson this semester, which was thoroughly engaging and got my creative brain all fired up once more. It's so interesting to be in a class full of so many wonderful people, who all have such diverse ideas and interests and ways of moving. It also feels like we are actual proper second years now - not just 'kind of no longer first years' anymore.
- I sat with friends during a break between classes and it felt so nice to be included and surrounded by people, especially after I've spent a while feeling so isolated and lonely. As much as I can I need to take these opportunities to connect with people and make the effort to socialise otherwise I'm just adding to my problems if I choose to isolate myself.

Today's wisdom - I've been struggling with my anxiety and over thinking about the future so today I found myself needing to slow down and pace my thoughts a bit; try not to stress over things I need to get done. Hopefully my worries will resolve themselves I should just try not to give them so much thought and not give my anxiety the power to overwhelm me,

FRIDAY  

- This morning I had such an amazing contemporary class! Though it was tough and I pushed myself, I really enjoyed it and thought how lucky I was to have our teacher Abi; even in that hour and a half she gave us so much to think about and so much feedback and information to help improve our technique.
- I caught up on some work in the library (again) and I watched the latest episode of Big Cats on BBC IPlayer - to top up my daily dose of cat love. This week they looked at some of the smallest wild cats, e.g. the Pallas Cat who is adorably fluffy and wild.
- Had my first taste of Repertoire class which I think just about finished my body off for the week! I have to say, having a high-energy, extremely physically demanding class last thing on a Friday is going to be a challenge for this semester but I can already tell I'm going to get a lot stronger and build my stamina in that class! Our teacher Carmine really demands the highest energy from everyone so he can work with us - otherwise he's not inspired! So, we all pushed ourselves and realised how hard we're going to be working in this class and in the piece he's choreographing!

Today's wisdom - If you don't push yourself in class, you aren't going to improve your technique. If you continue working at the same level, you aren't going to get any better - something I've learnt from both of today's lessons. Hopefully over the semester I can continue to remember this and keep pushing for improvement; whilst still staying safe, healthy and not injured!


So, that's a rough outline of my week! It's been up and down, I'm realising how it feels again to be at a constant moderate level of stress and anxiety but I'll get used to it. I think I'm going to the majority of my classes this semester and I'm really hopeful I can make progress especially in technique which I struggled with last year due to my mental health. But I'm going to be getting proper support soon, and with that, hopefully I can return to peak studying condition and make the most of my time at uni.

For now, I'm going to rest my bruised and achey body, glad to be back learning and surrounded by friends. I've got my aunties and granddad visiting Sunday so that'll be a lovely time, we're going bowling!

I hope if you've made your return to normal routines, whether that be work or studying, it has gone smoothly and the transition has been stress-free! If not, things will take their time to settle back to usual, just give it another week and you'll be back in the zone!

With love and light,

Lily